Change: Gain or Loss?
There are so many perspectives when it comes to discussing pain, the main theme throughout all these different perspectives almost always being the negative aspect of pain. Why is that? I believe it is because pain causes hurt, grief, damage and also… change.
Stephen Grosz, a psychoanalyst, said: You cannot have change without loss. They are connected.
His affirmation caused me to realize the reality of this truth: whenever we want to change or our circumstances in our lives change, it feels as if we’ve lost something. That “something” might be anything from a relationship or a place, to a part of your very own self. That causes a reconstruction, or reconfiguration of your own identity — the pieces of the puzzle move and reshape the overall picture of your life, giving it a new sense and meaning. However, why is it that in spite of knowing all that, we still find it hard to accept change and be comfortable with it?
I tend to believe that we are so focused on having results straight away (or overnight results, as we call them sometimes), that we lose sight of the process of becoming something new and different. Some of us find it so hard to let go of things we are used to. They feel like home or like a safe house — a haven for our souls. Who would want to give that up and jump into the unknown? Redecorating the rooms of our souls and lives is challenging and, on top of that, it takes time. It is indeed a process, a life journey, and as much as we like it or not, it is something that will come up quite often in our day to day life. Therefore, we always have to face a multitude of decisions, ones more important than others.
We are so focused on having results straight away… that we lose sight of the process of becoming something new and different.
What helps us decide which one will be the best choice? What will often help is taking a step back and analysing the situation from different angles. Stepping back a little bit helps you separate emotionally from the situation itself and look at it with different eyes. It is not an easy thing to do because we are human beings and we are led most of the times by our emotions and feelings. That’s why a step back and some deep breaths might give you a fresh perspective on your situation or on the challenge you have to face. It is then that you can truly decide what your next step will be and embrace the beginning of your own growth, which most of the times will be a painful process.
Nevertheless, one thing to remember is that change comes with loss and pain, and once you cross that bridge, you have the experience to cross other ones that will show up throughout your journey, sooner or later.
Whatever you do, don’t be afraid to change. Do not settle for mediocrity. Aim for the best you can achieve. Embrace change!