It’s interesting how we develop this false certainty in life that we are immune to things such as diseases, accidents, dying… and the list could go on. If I asked people they would say, of course we are not immune — but still most of us live under that false certainty umbrella, some of us even engaging in risky behaviours without caring about the consequences. Then, the death of a loved one, the loss of our physical health, or even something related to our job happens and the reality hits us: how could this have happened? I thought I had everything under control. Stress comes in, anger rises, denial of reality kicks in, and we might even get physically sick, because we can’t seem to bear the thought that we lost something/someone. It just doesn’t make sense.
After some of these things happen we don’t allow ourselves to process what’s going on. We try to fix things, try to make them go back to the way they used to be. In doing so, we put pressure on ourselves and we get frustrated and angry because it’s out of our control. Things were out of our control when they happened. What makes us think that we can fix them so easily now?
I guess the key is not to fight the process, but to embrace and accept it not as a resignation, but as something that has simply happened and that has an impact on us, but doesn’t control us. Every single thing in life sounds perfect in theory. When it comes to practice, however, things become hard, challenging, and may I say, life-changing.
We are never the same after trauma or painful experiences. But who says we have to? Life shows us we need to restructure, reshape ourselves to be able to move forward. Einstein said “we cannot solve problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” That is so true: I can’t use the same way of thinking in solving something when that same way of thinking created the issue.
Now, you need to restructure your perspective, look at it from different angles. You can at least try to make an effort to work things out and do your best. No one has ever succeeded by doing something only once. It takes time, effort, energy, pain and the capacity to be self-aware.
So, the question is: what will you do with the challenging situation you might be going through? Do you resign, accept the victim status, or do you fight back and learn from your circumstances? Do you take an active or a passive stance when it comes to life?
It’s all up to you. You choose if you want to grow and move forward at the cost of feeling pain temporarily, or stay stuck, frustrated and angry at yourself and everyone with no perspective on moving forward. It’s all down to you. Choose wisely.